Here Comes the Rain Again

The air held tangible signs of rain this morning. There was an urgency in squirrels and tentativeness in people. It would be a good day, the sky said, to crawl back in bed – or to stay there and oversleep.

This day held many things. At the end of it, we raised a glass to a fallen comrade. He's not dead, just departing. He'd laugh at the bad real-world analogy applied to business. We've laughed together a lot at the absurdity of the language of business. Well, maybe rolled our eyes more than laughed. He's been forever at the company and fare-thee-well.

Ahhh, but the other side of the coin is this isn't his “bliss” any more than it's mine or others'. Some people around me seem to find true satisfaction in the job. There are many things about it that satisfy me as well. Not my bliss, to be sure, but occasional contentment.

That's a rare and glorious thing – a moment of pure contentment.

I last found it sitting in the dentist's chair, waiting for goo to harden in my mouth, watching the sky lighten, looking across the grassy lawns, wiping away droool.

What the hell?

Talked to my boss (one of those folks who seems to live his work) about the absurdity of the existence of a completely contented, peaceful moment in that setting. He said, “You take them when you get them.” We agreed they don't come often enough.

More and more these days, they find me though. Maybe it's feeling centered in my marriage. Maybe it's becoming a older fart. Middle-aged fart. I worry it's giving up the dreams and aspirations of my youth.

But I think it's finding those dreams fulfilled in small, personal and undramatic ways. Able to sit quietly and watch the morning begin, able to pay for the dentist, able to make small talk, able to find affection for the people and place I've come to know well, able to survive weekly visits for most of the winter, able to deal with the disappointment I'm not a special patient but one of many, able to be entertained by the weirdness of my own body – slow breathing, twitching feet, crusty lips.

I spun until dizzy in the chair at work yesterday while waiting for a reboot. It was silly and it made me happy like a little kid. Maybe that's where contentment is found – in the simple joys and a child-like approach to the daily adventure.